Shit Is Amiss

I can read your past just by looking at your face.

I can see the shame and pick up on your feeling of disgrace.

You regret most of the things you have done,

Some days you even wish your life never even begun.

Self hatred is reflected when you stare in that mirror,

And you wish that that reflection was a little bit clearer.

Because you don’t know who you really are,

And as far as life goes you never really made it that far.

People always said someday you would get your head on straight.

But they didn’t understand how you’re shoulders were constantly being crushed by so much weight.

Things were hard for you, trust me I know.

They took a tole on your mind that didn’t take long to show.

You always had way too much going on,

And in your mind something was always wrong.

Your past just made you hurt so your present was always full of pain

And you let more tears fall then the clouds let drops of rain.

I stepped into the darkness, the devil was calling.

But I grabbed your hand and took you with me to keep me from falling.

It was selfish, I know, to drag you into hell with me but I didn’t want to go alone,

I just wish the misery that was about to come was something before known.

I led the way down the twisting staircase,

The eerie atmosphere caused my heart to begin to race.

The steps were old and covered in dark green moss

and we heard screams of those weeping over their loss.

Even though I was scared a part of me had to keep moving on

So forward I went and with me you tagged along.

We came upon a little child, there was blood dripping from his eyes like tears

And that is when we both discovered this journey would be worse than all our fears.

Yes stand tall in your black boots and pale white skin.

Moving gracefully in that body that’s unnaturally thin.

More vibrant than blood are those lips on your face,

That look in your eyes is more mysterious than hells hidden place.

Your cowardly soul makes you weep, makes you cry,

You can’t handle the real world so you close your eyes.

Keeping yourself hidden from reality,

That weak little soul of yours will never be free.

-Jessica Padilla

You’re non-stop thinking about the drug.

the thought infests itself like a grotesque bug.

You want to stay sober for your girl and your baby

but that non-stop thinking makes you think just maybe.

Maybe it will be okay to go and get loaded,

maybe it won’t be like last time when your addiction exploded.

Just one time you start to think,

so you shoot up and throw all your progress down the sink.

At first it feels good but then the guilt sets in,

and you start hating yourself for letting the addiction win.

For awhile you stayed sober and you stayed strong,

but now you’re second guessing that everything is going to go wrong.

You did not intend to it was just a mistake,

but one little slip up is all that it takes.

Now the battle is on equal playing grounds,

and now the enemy has won both rounds.

you feel like you have been defeated,

but you’re stronger than the addiction you are going to beat it.

-Jessica Padilla